Nobody tells us how difficult and lonely it is to be an adult sometimes. We can be so busy with our careers, bills, plans for the future and responsibilities that it isn’t hard to forget about having a great connection with the people around us. Why’s that so? I believe we often struggle with bonding with other people, even if we easily relate to them, mostly because, let’s be honest: being part of a new group can be scary as hell!
And it is not about being shy or insecure, it is just… new. It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable at first, especially because you’re getting out of your comfort zone. Meeting different people can really change your social life for the better. (…)
Be present!
It’s important to focus on the moment you’re living with the people from your community. How’s that? Well, if you are thinking about the meal you’re gonna cook later this evening, the bill you forgot to pay yesterday, or the fight you had with a relative… you’re not present. Pay attention to your surroundings and to what is happening right now! If you are really engaged in the present moment, without anxiety about the future, your community is going to understand you really care and really want to be part of this “family”.
Accept you have something to learn here!
“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.”- Bill Nye
We often think we have many to offer, but others don’t. That’s madness! Everyone has at least one significant thing to share with you. Be open to learning things you never imagined you could, allow yourself to other points of view. That might be difficult sometimes, but that’s okay! Remember: if you can teach something, you can be taught something too.
Listen!
An environment where you can spend a great amount of your time, where you feel connected to, where the people care about you and you care about the people. Feeling part of something great, something that welcomes us as we are, can inspire us day by day. Your community can be the family you chose or the family you never had.
Why should I care? … Oh, that’s why!
Being part of a community might give you an opportunity to work on your empathy and help you be a better person, someone that really cares about others. To really care is not the easiest thing to do.
Pay attention to the others around you!
What do they want? How do they feel? How can you help? What can you do to improve their situation? — When engaging in a community, we have to learn how to see the bigger picture. When paying attention to details, it’s easier to find a solution to problems or difficulties your people might be going through.
Know who you are!
Yeah, it’s funny to think that you have to know who you really are before engaging with other people. When I was younger, I would think that I had to understand how the people were before I approach them. But the thing is: when you know yourself, deeply and passionately, when you know what you love, what you hate, how you show affection, how you deal with pain, that’s when you’re ready to let others in.
Engage in social activities with your neighbors!
That will show they can count on you. Being helpful and proactive will always make you look good. It isn’t about perfection or doing everything right, it’s more about being there, being part of the problem, and trying to find solutions. Give ideas for the next activities, organize get-togethers with your neighbors, show them you want to count on them as much as they can count on you!
Have fun!
Don’t forget it: being part of a strong community is the same as having a family you chose. So, enjoy it! Throw parties, organize trips, go out together, meet each other’s families, all that jazz. When you share your life and thoughts with people, don’t forget to have a good time! That’s why you’re here!
Volunteer!
Don’t wait until someone calls out for help! If you follow the previous tips, like listening and paying attention, you’ll be able to understand when and how you can do your part to help. Offer your hand, your shoulder to cry, your time to listen…
Remember: people tend to support those who also support them in hard times. They’ll be there for you if they notice you’re there for them!
Build a respectful relationship with the people from your community!
It’s all about respect! You don’t need to agree with everything you hear, keep that in mind. But don’t forget to treat people with the respect you would like to have from them. Respect their boundaries, their points of view, their opinions, their story, their family… If you feel offended, be open about it, talk it over, communicate. Show them you care about having a healthy relationship.
Remember: you don’t have to love everybody. But you must respect them.
Tell your story! (and listen to theirs!)
How many stories do you tell a day? Have you ever thought about that?
Humans are crazy about telling stories. It’s one of the best ways to bond with others, sharing life situations and how you dealt with those. We understand who people are through their stories. The details that are important to them, the opinions they have about the situation, how they tell the happening, the faces they make while telling… It’s a great way to know who you’re talking to and also to discover with the person is worth your time.
So, do you want people to know who you really are? Tell them your story. Be yourself, go for it and have fun! – And don’t be afraid to be genuine: it’s better when people don’t like you for who you are than when people only like the person who you seem to be.
Allow room for growth!
Be open to self-development! Remember we can always improve ourselves in many different aspects. Let the community you relate to the most challenge you to be a better person. As adults, we often forget we can be a better version of ourselves. Communities are important to help us remember that there’s always a way to make things greater than before.
Respect what you feel!
You’re not obligated to feel comfortable everywhere. Neither is obligated to engage in a community you don’t relate to. People are complex and that’s fine. If you’re not feeling IT, go on and leave. Try again, in another community, with different people. The world is big enough for you to find where you belong. Feeling your place is not the one you thought it was is part of being mature: we’re not meant to belong everywhere with everybody. You’re singular and unique, as each person in this big world is. But we’ll always find a group of amazing people we relate to.
So don’t give up on yourself, but you are totally free to give up on a community you don’t find welcoming enough for you. If you don’t feel great being part of it, try another one!
